some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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