i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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