How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
