addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
