So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
