All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
