Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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