If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
