did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
