You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
