the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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