why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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