i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
