I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
