we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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