You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize