I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
