its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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