I have demons in me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
