seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
