Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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