U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
