i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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