Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude. I can hear the air.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
