Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
