he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
