Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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