think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
