So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
