So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize