just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
