I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
