so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
