yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
how does that bad decision feel?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
