STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
