i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
