I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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