my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im part way to drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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