So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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