I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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