My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A+ Viking dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
