I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
