so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
