he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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