i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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