i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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