Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
