honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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