are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
