Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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