They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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