yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
