He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
