there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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