My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
