I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
