I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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