3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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