so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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