thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
