You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
