Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
