you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
