Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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