Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
