i just google imaged poop.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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