Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
