we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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