idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
