I am in a vortex of obligation.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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