Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
