I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you win again, gameday.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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