The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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