I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
