i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
