I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
