The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
