people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
