i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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