hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
