Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
