The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
