People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
