Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
