I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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