So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
