its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
